So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
