Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
