just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
