Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
