I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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