My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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