I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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