I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
