well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
