I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
there is glitter all over my balls
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize