I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you made out with another girl for some wings
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
