You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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