rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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