He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
