Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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