After last night, I could never be a politician.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
