I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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