The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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