I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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