Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
