It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
