I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
