i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
