I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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