even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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