saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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