I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
