That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
