You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
