I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
