I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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