I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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