im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
