I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
