I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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