Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am one with the molecules
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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