well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
