no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
