Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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