Buhtt sex?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
