Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Im part way to drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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