She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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