I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
