I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
