Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
