last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
