hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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