Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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