Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
