i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
