i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So much rum. So many feels.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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