Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
