Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
