do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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