we have officially lost it.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
