Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
