Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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