he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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