I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
