my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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