then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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