This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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