actually, I'm a sock model
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
