i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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