those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
