i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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