Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
