I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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