Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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