Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
