So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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