I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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